About
Dramatis Personae
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1 CE
- Anesthetic Suffix
- EmEtic
- Cyclical Repetition
2 CE
3 CE
- Parasocial Anxiety
- XVIII - The Moon
4 CE
5 CE
6 CE
About
Dramatis Personae
Soundcloud
Bandcamp
BCE
1 CE
2 CE
3 CE
4 CE
5 CE
6 CE
XVIII - The Moon
Another hint to the mystery.
CAIN
That thing hanging in the air that never dissolves
Perhaps this explains the problems I’m facing
But is this really all there is to it?
CAIN
JEROME
Is it all...
An inner world made to make up for what I lack?
JEROME
I want to escape the awaiting dread
To be self-sufficient and free from the ones I can’t trust
So I watch my body drifting through life far away from me²
The moon is hiding many secrets tonight
Protect me with an illusion of what I crave inside³
The gap between me and you, the dim lonely light⁴
Transcend the world and go beyond, let it be your guide⁵
The moon will shine a light on how it works:
This world as your personal respite
The tides of animal instinct crash forward onto land
And retreat back to the murky abyss beneath⁶
Suppress the feeling of a dangerous need⁷
Step out of the body onto a path to oblivion
A calm light shines upon the chaos engulfing me⁸
Showing the way into the distant fortress in my mind
The moon is hiding many secrets tonight
Protect me with an illusion of what I crave inside
The gap between me and you, the dim lonely light
Transcend the world and go beyond, let it be your guide
The moon will shine a light on how it works:
This world as your personal respite
CAIN
Away from your presence and the sensation it gives me⁹
Exposed to the harsh elements of the real world
Where the other seeks to engulf me completely
I’ll never let myself be found again¹⁰
Leave the realm that I was once bound to behind
That never-ending exile and limitless power
Is all there is for me
From that faraway desolation in the sky
In a barrier of thorns I escape¹¹
And never show my head by day nor light¹
JEROME
Protect me with an illusion of what I crave inside³
The gap between me and you, the dim lonely light⁴
Transcend the world and go beyond, let it be your guide⁵
The moon will shine a light on how it works:
This world as your personal respite
Commentary
At the time, he didn’t say anything to me. In the following days, he gathered a lot of research and took a lot of notes on schizoid personality disorder. I ended up connecting with a lot of it, and wondering if that was the key to my struggles with the Shepherd. Maybe the problems I had with everyone around me were because I was just unsuited to them. Maybe the engulfing pressure I felt from them was just something I perceived in my mind.
The next time I ran into Jerome, I told him we had something to sing about together.
“...In that case, why don’t you just take the notes and sing the entire song by yourself? I’ll go get them for you,” he replied flatly.
He returned shortly after, notes in hand. However, I told him that I didn’t need to rely on him for research. I insisted that he sing most of the song himself because they’re his notes. Plus, I didn’t think I actually had the disorder.
Eventually he relented, admitting that he does sing occasionally. In actuality, the notices in his station are often the results of those songs. He decided to agree to a song with me, and we sang “XVIII - the Moon” together.
Notes
2 “he becomes a mental observer, who looks on, detached and impassive, at what his body is doing or what is being done to his body. If this is so in the 'normal', it is at least possible to suppose that the individual whose abiding mode of being-in-the-world is of this split nature is living in what to him, if not to us, is a world that threatens his being from all sides, and from which there is no exit. This is indeed the case for such people.” (Laing ch. 5)
3 The Moon card symbolizes illusions, deep down those with schizoid personality disorder still desire connections with others and will use fantasy as a replacement.
4 Jerome is 1 month older than me. Ever since I had the title and general concept I knew I had to release this song while we're both still 18.
5 “The dog and wolf are the fears of the natural mind in the presence of that place of exit, when there is only reflected light to guide it.” (Waite)
6 A pattern seen in schizoid personality disorder is an oscillation in and out of relationships. In that oscillation, a person will move towards relationships and intimacy when they are wanted, and will move away when those things become scary. It's a lot like a tide. (Wheeler 100-103)
7 “It is not that the schizoid lacks interest in attachments, but rather that he assumes his own emotional fragility precludes the possibility of feeling safe in relationships.” (Wheeler 123)
8 “The face of the mind directs a calm gaze upon the unrest below; the dew of thought falls; the message is: Peace, be still; and it may be that there shall come a calm upon the animal nature, while the abyss beneath shall cease from giving up a form.” (Waite 1911)
9 “To offer up his feelings seems like stepping uncomfortably close to another person.” (Wheeler 170)
10 Genesis 4:14, "whoever finds me will kill me."
11 Some versions of the legend posit that Cain offered thorns. This was also connected to the moon narrative. In Inferno 20, these elements are all combined. (Emerson 840, Alighieri 20.124-20.126)
12 Shakespeare 5.6.43
Works Cited